Sunday, October 08, 2006

green like grass

i was talking to my friend jeff tonight and he wanted me to write down this statement that i made. i said that:

sometimes i really feel like God is just Fucking with me, but then i realize that He would never do that. I'm the one that looks at the situations i'm in, make my own conclusions instead of listening and in inturn end up screwing myself.


basically i have been thinking about life a lot lately. your probably thinking to yourself AND... but to be honest i have never been what i would call a quote unquote "thinker." but for some reason i just can't seem to slow down that little pea sized brain of mine. this could maybe be attributed to several things: first i've been reading blue like jazz by donald miller ( a quite amazing book which i chat with my vintage21 mentor, matt stevens, about weekly), second, the fact that i was listening to npr and student radio a LOT more than usual now that 88.1 comes in loud and clear. thirdly, (and the scariest of them all) maybe i'm just growing up and its just one of those things you do.

this new trend in my life thou startling is actually quite wonderful. i have always longed to be more intellectual than i have been in the past few years. in high school i had this overwhelming desire like most people, to fit in. what a shitty desire i must say. i mean REALLY, i must say that was probably one of the worst things i have ever wanted in my entire life, other the time that i wanted to try and jump across the creek behind my house around age 11 in the dead of winter. it was a great idea, but the position with which i landed being in the creek and not safe and dry on the other side of the bank was quite unwelcoming especially being about a mile away from any source of "indoor warmth."

as i was listening to npr about 2 days ago there was this wonderful commentary on "internet blogs. since this being an internet blog, and i being the fascinated person that i am with the world of bloging (which i feel its a shame there has been a lull among the people that i know bloging lately, damn the business of life) found this little side note of a talk on npr very fascinating. they defiantly made the statement that everyone that has a blog seems to think that they are some amazing journalist when it comes to sitting in front of they keyboard and hacking out their daily memories. (ps. my version of this paraphrased quote is way better stated and worded then the actual npr quote, maybe npr will now pay ME royalties). anyways to expand on that just a little bit more...

good old webster's dictionary defines journalist as:

Function: noun
1 a : a person engaged in journalism; especially : a writer or editor for a news medium b : a writer who aims at a mass audience
2 : a person who keeps a journal

so in fact npr was right based on mr. webster. they were obviously making fun of the world of bloging saying that people take themselves and their blog's way to seriously but i am starting to realize the fulfillment of writing in them. i used to journal a lot on xanga. i had probably hundreds of entries. and i thought to myself one day "this is a waste of my time," so i stopped for a long while with the occasional blog. but really there has been a hiatus in my life as far as my bloging goes. life has been crazy lately. in many ways from breaking up with a girl a few months back to finding a new love interest in a good friend just as of recently. life sometimes has a way of surprising you. sometimes its really hard to figure out what it is we are really doing here or what we want in life and sometimes things just fall in your lap. who knows how long my current circumstances will stay on track before swerving like a drunk driver madly into a tree. maybe months years or even until after my death. i don't claim to be a fortune teller, mind reader, maybe, but fortune teller, defiantly not!

in the mean time. life has me still sorting out the old with the new and trying to figure out how to "organize my sock drawer." i find this analogy sorta funny. i mean i know i'm anal at times but there is no anal person on the planet i know who really sits down and organizes his sock drawer. thats sort of symbolic in my own life of the fact that i usually just move on without really trying to sort things out. and later in the midst of the troubles i decide NOW IS A GOOD TIME. you could say i'm slightly ahead of the game. maybe because of wisdom from past mistakes or maybe just the mentorship of a few good friends who council me pretty regularly.

needless to say life has not been easy but rewarding. the new movie in theaters called the science of sleep really touches on a lot of great points which i will probably talk about in a later blog. but for now i will leave you with one of them: never grow too old or too afraid of your childhood imagination. it's a force that brought many great humans to new heights and dreams that could never have been achieved if they had talked themselves into regurgitating what was given to them by the world around them. the histories of past failures became an obtainable goal instead of an dark void in their lives.

The brain is the most complex thing in the universe, and it’s right behind the nose.”
-- Stéphane (Gael García Bernal), The Science of Sleep